Oh gosh ,here we go, I've started to blog... Buckle up this could get bumpy...
It's come to my attention that my much larger thoughts do not fit into Instagram or Facebook and I often find myself cutting out points of interest.
For the most part I'm hoping to keep this area dedicated to kitchen witchery and historical reference for educational purposes, however one of the most predominant pieces of my existence is the fact that I am a mother and I think I'm about to begin this journey there. Simply due to the fact that mother's Day is upon us, which is known to be a time that we show appreciation and acceptance to all of the mothers in our lives. Whether that be our own mother, grandmother , or stepmother ...even that one aunt ....there's a lot that goes into raising a child and typically more than one person that has a hand in it.
And your probably wondering with a title like unpopular opinion ,when are we getting to the good part, or the bad part depending on your viewpoint... Well I just wanted to start off by saying..
Motherhood SUCKS! There , that's right, I said it....
Now please allow me to elaborate because obviously I am not here to say that you shouldn't have children, or that it isn't a miracle ,or that I wouldn't have my life any other way.... But what I am here to say is that a lot of us when we were younger, motherhood was glorified. Almost a rite of passage that we are imposed upon even at a young age. I would be lying if I didn't say that when I was younger I always expected that I would be a mom. I had that maternal instinct quite early on and was under the impression that having children would be this super fantastic thing.
When you're a child you're not very often told of what goes into motherhood. You're often painted this glorious picture of a family, where the mother's home baking pie and has all of her shit together ( can I say that here, I guess we'll find out). Your fed almost a fantasy that pregnancy and or early motherhood is a very easy road to take , filled with tiny toes and the smell of baby power. That there is little required for you to do or give up. You're never told how exceptionally difficult it all can be, on your body, your emotions, your mind. You're not told how it can take a toll on you... But more importantly no new mother is ever told that just because you may feel that you have a maternal instinct ,that does not necessarily mean that early on it will just automatically kick in and you'll know exactly what to do every single moment.
I sometimes truly feel like that is one of the biggest lies we ever tell ourselves. That we should just know... But I promise you there is no full manual on how to take care of certain situations, and the majority of motherhood especially early motherhood is a guessing game. Yes you could have read all the books, you could have heard all the stories and being given all the advice in the world and still not be prepared for things like your daughter having appendicitis, or your son having a seizure, or you're two youngest scrapping it out continuously to the point where you feel you're on the brink of a mental breakdown.
Another lie we often tell ourselves is that we should be able to handle it on our own, we're the mom right, we should know how to do this, and why should we need help from anyone else... Our mom seemed to get through fine... Truth is, we didn't see those first days or years, I mean we saw them, but we don't remember them, we don't remember how hard it was for her, we don't know how she struggled mentally, how absolutely utterly exhausted she was how hard it was to try to breastfeed with an unruly baby who wanted nothing to do with the sort. We didn't often see our mother crying silently in her room, we don't know how hard it was for her on the days that she felt like a failure because she was trying to do all of it herself....
But again, this is the lie that we tell ourselves... We should be able to do it on our own... But no one should, ever, for any reason. That's how you end up in that downward spiral , that's how you end up with postpartum depression , because you pour so much on top of your plate without asking if you can divide some of it up. There are other people there to help you, you don't have to do it alone! Pass the baby off to someone so you can go take a nap, have a shower ,eat a snack ,throw some makeup on... anything that makes you feel human and takes even a sliver off that plate.
When I became a mother 20 years ago, I was very young. I didn't know anything... And yes ,you do figure things out as you go along, but how great would it be if we started off believing that we didn't have to just do everything ourselves, that it would be a bumpy road. That it is okay if you formula feed instead of breastfeed, that every child has a different personality and to give yourself some Grace and time to find what works best for both of you without having all of these high expectations. Perhaps we would be able to mentally prepare better.
If I could go back 20 years, I would wish someone had told me all of this. Because as many things that did come naturally, there were many I had to learn for myself, but often feeling an extreme amount of pressure from society to be some level of perfection that I would never be.
Even now, with five kids and 20 years under the belt, I've still been unable to completely reprogram how I feel about motherhood. I still struggle to ask for help, I still don't have all of the answers, I still struggle mentally with the fact that I often have answers for others and not always for myself. But how different would things be now if I had been told at the beginning that even as amazing as being a mother is it will also be the hardest thing you will ever do, but it is okay to have those moments, it's okay to question, it's okay to not have the answers and to ask for help, or a break. And it's okay because you are absolutely not the only mother who is ever had this happen, but instead you create a support system that is Rock solid and in those moments of feeling defeat, you still would know you will be okay because you have other people who have your back.
If I had any opportunity to drill this into any new mother's, head this would be it... So there you have it, my unpopular opinion that motherhood sucks but it is also pretty fantastic.
So this mother's Day I hope you view it from a slightly different perspective, that even though things may not have always seemed very hard for your mom, she was very good at hiding it. And even thoe things may not have always seemed easy or perfect ,she was always trying her hardest!